Getting down to the nitty gritty...

Yesterday was not a great day.

I was cleaning off my car, for the 3rd time that day, and well, since it snowed, there was a build up of ice on the back of my car near the trunk. I had recently bought a new snow brush/scraper, as that is what us Canadian do all winter - clean off the snow and ice with the scraper. I must not have realized how strong I am getting because as I was clearing off the car, banging the scraper on the ice (to remove it), I smashed my back window. I thought to myself, "You've got to be f....ing, kidding me". I could not believe that I did that. So, I had to drive through town, with no back window, while a snow storm was happening to get a tape up job. Luckily tomorrow I will get another window. I was so embarrassed. A big 300lb man at the garage said he did the same thing to his car. This is a 300lb man! Ok, I can understand him doing that, but me?

This is not the first time I have done things of this nature. Accidents do happen while in competition prep mode. I have gotten into one car accident, forget numerous things...anywhere and everywhere; and today, forgot the groceries in the car. Somehow by the end of prep, it all seems to come together.

Like today for instance; it was a good day. I was able to get in 2 workouts - which included routine practice. I had gone to my normal practice spot - which is the University close to my house, but the aerobic room was occupied, so I had to go to my regular gym. This turned out to be beneficial. My other gym has an old aerobic room, with the wood floor, but converted it to a circuit type training with many machines around the perimeter. The knocked out holes in the walls, so that the area has a more open feel. This means, I am practicing my routine in front of people, watching me, and it adds a bit of stress. Perfect timing to do this. It is week till I compete at the Amateur Event. I need the push. Practicing by yourself in a closed room will not make me better when the pressure is on. I need to rep out the routine, in front of people and feel the pressure to perform when it matters. For the next few practices - maybe 2-3 more, I will go to my regular gym, and have an open type practice in order to prepare for the stage. The staff at my gym are extremely supportive and help guide the members (or hold them from the middle the floor) for at least 2 minute. I am sure they enjoy the entertainment while they are doing their cardio/training.

The end is near, but I don't want it to be. It is so funny that we girls train for these shows; are so disciplined on our diets, and about this time, we all want it to be over. I am not immune to having these feelings as well. But, since I have changed federations, I no longer want it to be over. I motivate myself to stay on track as I want my pro card, and was never more inspired to achieve that goal before now. The Arnold for me is an awesome show. Although it does not get me a pro card, to me it is my "Pro show". What if I never make it to the Pro stage? What if something happens to me tomorrow? What if I am never able to compete again? How would I feel about that? So, to stay motivated I picture myself on stage, in the moment every time I practice my routine. The same thing goes for posing. I picture myself, all tanned, in the suit, all makeup and hair done, and sell it to the judges. I visualize those judges sitting before me. I see the crowd. I hear the yells of the audience for their favorite competitor. I sense the bodies of the girls next to me, but only look forward, as I want the judges to see me. I practice my facial expression; the smiling; a certain face for each movement of the routine.

This is what I love. I love being in the spotlight. Being the center of attention - if only for 2mins, plus sharing the spotlight with a few other girls during the physique round.

It all comes to an end much to quickly in my opinion.

A.