Hi Everyone -
It has been about 4 weeks since my last show and basically I have been eating myself through my emotions. Who knew about this post show depression? I have never experienced it like this-- ever. Sure there would a week or two I would feel like I would want to eat everything in sight. But this time I wanted to eat and had moodiness that I could not shake. Feeling lost, confused, frustrated, all the emotions that go with a post show competition. Usually I am able to put things in perspective quite quickly, but it has taken this long for me (since March) to get my feet back under me. Luckily I have great friends (and made some excellent new ones) in the industry who have helped me put everything in a different light, and I am able to re-group and move forward. Thank you all who I have spoken to about this, and I am taking each of your advice.
Lately I have been re-working my routine to take some of the judges suggestions for CBBF Nationals. I think that I have not been putting my best 'routine' forward. I need to continually challenge myself to get better. When you do not know your competition (as I do not really know the fitness girls in the CBBF), it is hard to develop a routine. Or at least this is what I find. I knew so many girls in the other federations, that when I saw them at the show you know what they are capable of and how good they are, so you would have to really up your game. CBBF is still to me, and I am still learning the girls.
Physique will always be a challenge for me. I am not a naturally curvy girl. I am a small athletic shape. I will be working hard between now and August 15th to put on my size and shape to my overall physique. I will also be working on posing and my tan - I am never dark enough - anyone else have this issue??
It is 18 weeks till Nationals. I have some ideas, and people that I will using to help me in my prep. I have been doing this for a while, but I feel that I have so much still to learn.
I realized the other day that I will be doing this fitness thing for a few more years. Ok, maybe more than a few. I had my son back in 2006, and I made a comeback. I will probably have another child and then make another comeback. I asked myself what would I do with my extra time that I have if I did not do fitness, and well I could not come up with an answer. Would I always go to the gym? Yes. I love that part. The thing I would miss the most is the routine. Performing the routine is something that I love. So, keeping that in mind, I will probably be around for a while. I am only 32 and have plenty of ideas to keep me going for another decade. Plus I have years and years worth of routines that no one on this side of the fence have ever seen. So, whether the pro card happens this year, or does not I am no longer stressing about it. I have plenty of time to turn pro and compete as a pro, and do well as a pro. Most girls are pushing 40 years, and there is even master divisions, so there is no limit to what direction I can go when choosing to compete. Knowing that I have time on my side, to achieve whatever I set my mind to, gives me great comfort.