Hi Everyone-
Well another show has come and gone. With this the New York pro was this past weekend.
I placed 12th.
Am I disappointed - yes. Will I get over it - yes. This is part of the sport. Some days the judges like you and other days they don't. When you are competing in a sport that has subjective criteria like this you always have to take the highs with the lows and good with bad. But I will pick myself back up, dust myself off, and try again. There are always more shows around the corner.
When competing you work hard. Really hard. For an extended period of time, and for some, myself included, I would do most of the preparations anyways. The diet, the training - the routine, and the body aches I would probably skip over -- but I am sure you get my point. I am finding year after year the routine is still really hard. And it can be nice to just go out and do a routine and not have to worry about whether or not you 'hit' it perfectly. To just go out there and enjoy. In essence - this would be considered 'coasting'. Am I coasting - probably. I like competing, but it is what I do - but it is also nice to just go to the show and compete without competing. And I think this is what I did in New York. I was there competing, as a participant, but I definitely was not present or a contender on this day. My mind kept wondering all weekend. I would see kids, and just want to be home with my son. I really did not want to be 'in that moment' and it showed. There are times when you want to compete, and this was not a weekend that I wanted to be competing.
I feel like that who weekend I was being complacent in my work ethic, and really just wanted to 'get it all over with'. The statement that I hear many times during the weekend of the show from girls who spend much time getting ready for this moment, and then somehow I was that statement. I am disappointed in myself for thinking this way.
I feel that sometimes I need a low moment to realize how to be 'great' in other moments. It is a balance for me. I do have these times that I want to be 'great' and other times where I just want to be home in my comfy pants, eating chocolate, relaxing and being able to eat whatever whenever I want rather than by a specific point in time. To just 'be'. Just because I compete quite a bit, does not mean I don't truly love a lazy day as well.
Can I just 'be' while getting ready for a show? But it does require more discipline. I also need to be motivated by something else other than placings in order to compete. Like a personal challenge to be the best. I can put my head into any show - however, my heart only goes in certain moments. I tend to be more motivated to do well for myself if my heart is in the moment not just my head.
I find that with my change in career my focus has drifted to that as I get so much more out of my clients and seeing their success than my own. I am on a different path in my choice of profession, and decisions need to be made.
For instance, I need to decide what to do with my job for the following school year - my teaching job - go back, ask for another leave of absence, or quit. My mind may have been on this topic rather than in the task at hand - such as my routine or the weekend competing in NY. My attitude was definitely not myself that weekend. Even considering the idea of 'quitting' just seems to go against who I am as a person. However, my happiness is important, and so is quality of life. I remember days with my teaching job where I had to motivate myself to get out of bed to get to work teaching everyday - and now I don't mind getting up at 4am to train clients. But when you do 'what you love', it never feels like work. Training others does not feel like work.
I loved being in New York but perhaps not at that moment. Those other things that go on around us, even for a moment, can throw us, and make us into people who we are not normally.
So now I have to decide what moment I want to create for myself in the future.
With that being said, Toronto pro is the next IFBB fitness pro show on the horizon. Will I be there - probably, it is already on my radar.
A.
Official Blog of Allison Ethier
- Allison Ethier
- Sherbrooke, Quebec, Canada
- Official blog of Allison Ethier NSCA Personal Trainer, ISSN Sport Nutrition, Educator & Mom
1 comment:
I can empathise with how you feel, but don't be as dissapointed as you feel, because you gave a lot to be where you were and sacrificed a lot to make it and then beat 5 people.
I've always believed you're sometimes a little too hard on yourself, but I know how much that desire and will to win plays a part in your life, as you were such a fabulous champion in your amateur days.
Nobody has personified what can be acheived in your sport, better than you and that's the truth.
You have never shown anything less than your best and given a lot to prove yourself. To be dissapointed is understandable, but to realise what you have done in nearly 15 years and to realise the way(s) in which you have comported yourself as a champion are things you can be truly proud of yourself for.
Your son will never get a better rolemodel in his entire life. He has someone who can show him what being human truly is and how to mix humility and humbleness with success.
He has what some children can only dream of, a true, genuine loving and guiding Mother to truly look up to and be proud of.
There will be other shows and other opoortunities to shine, because you're nowhere near done yet and neither is the supreme beauty of the impact you make on others with your heart, wonderful personality and human touch.
I know the work situation will be hard to decide on, but don't think of it as quitting, think of it as redistribution of wealth.
You are giving potentially as much to other people, not less to those have given to for so long, so you will make another set of people richer for knowing you and that is an amazing thing. You will be helping a different set of people, in a different way, by helping clients, but in no way giving less emotion or heart.
It is work, because it's hard being human, the real work comes, when people like us are tested in life and don't show the wrong attitude to others and don't jeopardise the relationships formed with others around us.
So don't be too dissapointed in yourself, because whatever you have done, you always do it about as naturally as possible and with the all the grace, dignity and elegance of a true and proper Lady and you have been a fantastic rolemodel and the image of a superb champion and human being.
Considering what being you is worth, to be dissapointed almost seems worse than insane.
So I'll say WELL DONE on your 12th place. You are and always will be one of the greatest examples of what being human is and a wonderful example of how to be a Lady and a champion and rolemodel and no doubt a loving parent.
Be proud of yourself for all that you are and have done and don't fear the future, just embrace teh change I think you are right to make and should make, becasue you don't need to sacrifice happiness in your life when there's nothing that can make you, because right now you have the power to make more happiness in your life and it's a power as great as anything any muscle in your body including the heart has and I'm sure it is one you will use most wisely.
GOOD LUCK for the future and never stop reminding yourself of how much you have done and how well you have lived.
You are a beautiful gift to this world Allison and you should never ever stop shining for a single second. I don't doubt you shone on that stage as you always do and you made it to that point and still beat 5 people.
You will always be a real winner in that respect.
Take care and best wishes.
:-) :-).
Matt
P.S. If you ever get a chance this is my facebook profile.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=886865385
Feel free to add me to a friends list if you like. I'm normally a bit private on there, as I don't have time for 500 friends, nor do I want them, but if you want to I'd be more than happy and I still chekc your meesageboard on a regular basis, though none of the old regulars has been there for ages.
:-).
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