It is funny when things finally start to take shape. You get smaller, and your clothes get much, much bigger. When my undies start hanging off I know things are going well. Plus the veins start to pop all over, especially after a meal with any carbs in them.
Today was routine practice. I dread routine practice, but love performing the routine. Once I get to the point where I run the routine through without my lips turning blue is a good day. Today was a good day. I practice in different shoes than what I perform in as they are a bit heavier and have much more padding on the toes. My other performance shoes, are more dancer shoes, are lighter, and well there is not much padding in the toes or support, as they are a soft sole in the arch (to make pointing your toes look like pointed toes). Not something that I recommend, but due to the pounding on the wood floor over cement, it hurts my body much less.
Here are a few new songs that I am completely in love with to get the motivation flowing.
Kesha - Blah, Blah, Blah
Imma Be - BEP
Telephone - Lady Gaga
Replay - Iyaz
Body wise I am think I am ready, ok, maybe the judges will say something different ;) I really cannot ask for more. I just have to go out there and do what I have practiced to do. I will be practicing more routine, and more posing before I leave on Wednesday for Columbus but it is a comforting feeling knowing that I am ready to go onstage. I just need a few beauty moments, and well things are good to go.
What am I expecting from this competitive experience? I would like to be able to go out there on stage and represent myself well, and represent Canada well. I want to remain competitive. That I look like I worked hard to be there, and did not just 'show up'. I want it to be evident that I prepared for this show.
In Canada, we do not have that many active pros right now. I understand that it is very hard to compete, especially after you spend much of your amateur career trying to reach the top and a pro card, only to hit the pros, and then spend more time working your way back up the ladder. It can be very frustrating. I have lived many frustrating moments in my amateur career, and hopefully will be able to transfer this understanding to my time in the Pros. I just need to be patient. Patience is a virtue, and I am willing.
In my routine, I just want to perform well, so I am proud of what I presented.
I am not getting any younger and there are other things that I do want to be doing. Competition prep is time consuming and really I have not realize it until this year. After this show, I am not sure if there are other shows on the horizon. I say this as I have spent more time with my son in the past few weeks, and do see a difference in my mindset when I am preparing for a show, vs when I am not.
In the past few weeks many things have changed like I mentioned. What I have not mentioned is that I took a break. I had to go. I had to leave. January was a huge month for me. After much discussion...actually 7 months of discussion...I decided to take a break from teaching. Yes, I did it. I felt completely guilty for leaving my students as they were wonderful, but I was not in a position where I was happy. My family was unhappy. I was unhappy. I was working 50+ hours week for a part time job. My son was going to daycare all day and I was teaching once 75min class. I spent more time with these other children than my own child. It was a scary decision but I knew when the principal told me what the workload was going to be next year, on paper it looks like 50% but in reality it was not. I could not do my best work, and do my best work at home, so I had to leave. And the best part of it is, all of my co-workers said, 'good for you'. I was surprised, as I felt really guilty & shameful for leaving mid-year, but there was no way I could survive or else I would have been on stress leave. Maybe they knew what a raw deal I got this year, and were happy that I wasn't just putting up with it. Either way I really happy to have these people in my life. They are immensely supportive and encouraging.
With my leave of absence my job is still protected for next year.....ahhhh...next year. I have to put in my request for what I want to teach for next year by the 16th of March. So after the Arnold I will have some really hard decisions to make.
But, I do have some ideas of what I would like to do with my "in the meantime". Personal train others, and prep girls for shows. I am also preparing a 'coach for a day' service. Basically I would be your personal consultant to the stage & cheerleader for the day for your show. It would be more local to the girls around my area, unless there would be a demand for my services elsewhere. I am also preparing for an exam in June which is in line with personal training services. I have many ideas and cannot wait until everything is in line, and ready to go. I will post what shows I plan to attend on my website. And I am free to travel as I need to. Something I have not been able to do since my college days.
I can say that I am in a really, good place right now. :)
This weekend is filled with:
- cooking, lots of cooking, to do for the week. And freezing.
- routine practice, and posing.
Did I forget anything?
See you all really, really soon,