(Sherry Boudreau, me, Jodi Boam)
I know I have been absent from this blog, but it has been on purpose. I had to take myself away from things that clouded my focus. Not so much this blog, but the internet in general. About 9 days away I was feeling like I could not make it to this show, but luckily through the encouragement of some really good friends I did make it.
One year and one week I had waited to compete in this show. Now it has come and gone. How did I do? 2nd. 2nd place at the 2009 CBBF Fitness and Figure Nationals. Damn! Not the results that I wanted.
How was my performance - awesome! I did it perfectly and am really proud of myself. I am sorry that the judges did not see it that way. I will be off to North Americans and try my body & routine there and see what happens.
I felt really relaxed all weekend, and wanted to work on my confidence, and performance to know and understand that I can 'do it' when it mattered. And I did just that. I could not have done any better. I did awesome work yesterday. And I do not often say good things about myself in this respect as I am very hard on myself. But yesterday I rocked.
I brought exactly what they [the judges] wanted - darker, fuller, better suit choice a more flashier costume and more dance. I guess they did not want me. They wanted someone else.
I did not see any of my fellow competitors routines so I cannot comment on what they did. I do not think anyone has taped my routine, as they did not have a videographer there this year. I do have some pictures so I will post them at the end of the entry. (update - routine is online at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPYcf3BChSE)
Feelings? I am bit bummed. Bummed to think that Canada does not believe that I am qualified to be a pro this year. Will I ask for feedback? Probably not. Or maybe just not yet. I would have to decide soon, as the judges will forget. But I cannot see myself asking. I am sure they would just say similar to things like last time. [I am a smaller frame by nature and am limited by my genetics - comments by head judge last time]
This could be my naive or maybe because I am a teacher, but I refuse to believe in the politics. I always keep faith and hope that the judges know what they are doing and will choose the best to move to the pro ranks. People to continue to tell me things, and well, I just don't want to believe them.
Questions do run around in my mind. For instance, I do see some of the girls being pretty chummy with the judges -- does that matter? Or does the head judge decides who she wants as the winner? No - they would not do that right? Does it matter what trainer you have? Declining my invitation to Worlds - did that matter? How many times you have been at Nationals? (I have been 4 times - btw) I keep pushing these thoughts out my head, as I have found they will only cloud my focus, and I do want to keep an open and positive mind (this was a new resolution of mine for January and I am sticking to it) And someone came up to me in March and told me I would not win Nationals - Yes, it is official - I am very naive.
To me, it is not just about choosing the winner, but also the person who will best demonstrate talent and hold their own in the pros. I feel I can do that. I understand there is a hierarchy when you get to the pro ranks, but with that being said, you are a PRO - the biggest hurdle is already accomplished.
My love and respect for this sport has not dwindled. I follow many of the shows, love all the girls, getting to know them, hearing their stories and lives, and just being around those that are just like me. My motivation for competing has not lessened, in fact this show perhaps has fired me up even more. All year, things have been happening, and there is a reason for this, and I am not sure yet why...but it will all become evident soon. I have faith.
I do know that I am really tired, and have been up late, so I do feel emotional. Probably a combination of too much sugar, too little sleep, and a bit of anxiety as school starts in a week.
I want to thank everyone for this words of encouragement, and feedback after my performance. Fans who said hello - your compliments make my day, and during these times I carry them with me. Thank you. I love talking to all of you. (actually I think I just love talking....ha!)
On to my real life....
I have come to the conclusion that I will probably not return full time to teaching for a while. I am going to try to keep a 50% workload and then work towards training other girls for fitness/figure/bikini and training the general masses to achieve their goals. I will be working on a nutrition certification this year as I do have quite a few things to do this fall.
I love fitness. I love talking about it. I love researching it on the computer. I love studying it. It is stuff I do anyways. I just need to get my butt in gear, and do it!
Today, I might have one meal off my plan, but it is back to the diet mode, and getting my butt tighter for North Americans.
But this week, I am in Winnipeg - and need a gym near West Hawk Lake - any ideas? I will post on facebook and see what happens.
Here are some pictures.
(me and Myriam Cantin)
Me, and good friend Sherry Boudreau
I want to Thank Sandra & Ross Wickham for putting on a great show. Organized and on time. What else can an athlete ask for? The moderators were wonderful in getting everyone to the stage on time, lined up and ready to go. Thank you again, and your hard work and dedication to the sport is very evident.